VERSES FOR PARENTING

 

VERSES FOR PARENTING 

                                                Mrs A JYOTHI

                                               

Humanity's greatest guide and eternal friend has been books. Books stimulate and fulfill man's penchant desire to grow, expand and live in peace by offering pure knowledge not only of things, people but most importantly life. Of all the books that meritoriously stand apart as a lighthouse for man's search for answers to myriad problems is  Saint Thiruvalluvar's THIRUKKURAL, a treasure cove of wisdom, a practical guide that is simple and universal in its appeal.

Statistical records underline some issues that youngsters across the world grapple with. The modern world with its innovations, inventions and competitions has created an awfully precarious position for the youth. On one hand the youngsters demonstrate excellence in know-how of the subjects and on the other are dismal at handling personal and social life. The imbalance in life is strikingly alarming and unrewarding for the evolving future.

There is steep rise in Mental Health issues with increasing number of young minds numbed by depression, anxiety and ruminate on suicide. Evidently there is a long and strenuous struggle to manage parental, social expectations and uphold a healthy image of the self. The society continues to discriminate and the problem of unemployment remain unresolved despite advancements across fields.

Ultimately man has to elevate himself; pull himself up with all his might to transform life; A code, a discipline, a way of life that is not only suggestive but also remedial and curative is encoded in the Thirukkural. Hence, it would not be an exaggeration to quote this brilliant literature piece as a panacea for issues that ail humanity.

"குடிசெய்வார்க் கில்லை பருவம் மடிசெய்து

மானங் கருதக் கெடும்."

Thiruvalluvar quotes in the 1028^th couplet that an individual who is keen to serve society need not wait for an appropriate time or exhibit a befitting quality to serve; Any such delay will result in ruin. So, one must be quick in offering service beneficial to humanity. Hence, this piece, a basic guide to parents and guardians, with pointers for creating a viable society.

Dear Readers, here are some insights from “Thirukkural” that share pure wisdom and powerful tools for guidance and action with which the conquest over the self and the world is within our means.

How would an ideal world or country be? Such a world is free from hunger, diseases and enmity. (couplet 734). Citizens of our world, youth in particular are afflicted by hunger, diseases and enmity. A considerable percentage of population is malnourished, under nourished and deprived of one square meal a day. Diseases, unheard of in the past are predominant, reduce the quality of life, result in permanent impairment and even premature death. Relationships with family or friends have become noticeably pretentious and self- centered. Life being lived does not even marginally measure up to the ideal standards. The basic unit of a society, a family and in turn every man must strive to address these irrevocably.

Have the roles of parents changed over decades? Provide and support the family financially, socially and emotionally. However, parents show diminishing interested in connecting and forging emotional bond with their kids. The growing distance in relationship between parents and children, has to be bridged, failing which children become easy victims to ills and evils. "எழுபிறப்பும் தீயவை தீண்டா பழிபிறங்காப்பண்புடை மக்கட் பெறின்"- Couplet 62 highlights the significance of nurturing culture, good habits and manners among children, which when cultivated can keep evils at bay for generations. It is the duty of parents to inculcate virtues in their kids that shall stand in good stead during tough times.

The Kural also outlines the duty of father and the duty of a son.  

தந்தை மகற்காற்றும் நன்றி அவையத்து 

முந்தி இருப்பச் செயல் ( kural 67).

The prime duty of a father is to shape his son into a leader among learned men. A father has to bring the best out of his kids, strengthen and sharpen faculties and confidence such that he becomes the champion of champions. The duty of a son is to perform such action so as to evoke wonder and awe among people about his parents' good fortune in begetting a child of such good repute.

 "மகன்தந்தைக்கு ஆற்றும் உதவி இவன்தந்தை
என்நோற்றான் கொல்எனும் சொல் (kural 70)

Parents and elders must strive and model goodness and excellence; Let it be witnessed in the sweet words used as well. Most often than not it is words spoken thoughtlessly that hurt people most profoundly. Kind acts are faintly remembered where as harsh words are hardly forgotten;  Thiruvalluvar strongly supports the use of sweet words spoken with a smiling face as more appealing and rewarding than a generous act.

அகன்அமர்ந் தீதலின் நன்றே முகனமர்ந்து

இன்சொலன் ஆகப் பெறின்  (Kural 92)

 

Disapproval leads to discord in relationship. Holidays and vacations turn sour when such is the behaviour of parents.

Conversations turn into a recipe for disaster. It is irrefutable to consider parents’ best intentions but they fail to impress their kids because they ignore the power of sweet words in weeding out inappropriate and harmful thoughts and behaviour. The 96^th Kural illustrates this as

“ அல்லவை தேய அறம்பெருகும் நல்லவை
நாடி இனிய சொலின்”

 Life is a product of series of choices made; why not nourish the life of kids with conscious application of fruitful words?  They learn best from examples.

 “இன்சொல் இனிதீன்றல் காண்பான் எவன்கொலோ

வன்சொல் வழங்கு வது” (Kural 99)

Parents have a discouraging way of expressing fondness they have for their kids. It’s by patronizing and yielding to their undue demands – expensive gifts in the form of gadgets and accessories and others. Such acts not only spoil the kids but also turn them into weak minded arrogant individuals. So, parents must embed discipline and train their kids to exercise restraint as these two are their best allies. (Kural 132 and 122)

பரிந்தோம்பிக் காக்க ஒழுக்கந் தெரிந்தோம்பித்
தேரினும் அஃதே துணை (Kural 132)

“காக்க பொருளா அடக்கத்தை ஆக்கம்
அதனினூஉங் கில்லை உயிர்க்கு (Kural 122)

 

Parents have big dreams for their kids. They do not recognize that they are imposing their unfulfilled dreams on their children. Fortunes are spent to sharpen them into intellectuals; Most parents succeed in this effort. But fail to check the rising pride amounting to arrogance in their kids.  Parents are left with a sigh, desperate to correct their erroneous kids’ prideful behaviour. Thiruvallur assures that patience as a virtue can vanquish pride and arrogance. Hence, parents must be patient; with forbearance can teach the futility of vanity.

மிகுதியான் மிக்கவை செய்தாரைத் தாந்தந்
தகுதியான் வென்று விடல் (Kural 158)

Of all the skills one can acquire the most valuable and hard to master is the art of decision making- be it choosing friends, partner for life or business or tough choice. Spending time with kids talking about the reasons behinds their success and failures could lay bare the secrets of decision making, which according to Thiruvalluvar is

“முடிவும் இடையூறும் முற்றியாங் கெய்தும்
படுபயனும் பார்த்துச் செயல்” (Kural 676)

Teach kids to anticipate, let them learn to assess the benefits and barriers and select the right means and measures to attain their life’s objectives.

This is how according to Thirukkural elders and parents can teach the youngsters live a meaningful and joyful life; Thirukkural is an ocean in its social, cultural and ethical essence; what is shared here is a little drop; little yet brilliant and potent enough to heal relationships and humanity at large.

(1212 WORDS)