FIND FRIENDSHIP

   FIND FRIENDSHIP

                                                 A   JYOTHI

My heart smiles when I see people come together in the name of friendship; I forget even if it is for that instant, the fatigue of my body and mind. The vibe, when happy people gather, the heartfelt laughter, the warm hugs, the open hand shakes, exchange of pleasantries, wash away my frets and sighs. Meeting, greeting, eating, chatting, tagging is the ‘in thing’ of the modern days’ friendship.

Times have changed and with it the nature and dynamics of friendship. Friendship is a harmonious connection that is never lost in time; offers enormous strength and comfort during tormenting times. One of my dear friends charmingly puts it as ‘I can start my relationship with my friend whenever I want, without having missed out anything, not having the need to give reasons for lost time”. No reasons asked; none given.

The other day, I was caught amidst a heated exchange between teenagers. Eager to make amends between the two, I enquired what it was all about. Well, I was alarmed. One of the two did not reply to the WhatsApp message and the other posted an emoji that was offensive. The two kept waiting for the other to take the next step – “say I am sorry! It won’t happen again!”  Apparently, I felt out of sorts; clearly the modus operandi of people alias friends has changed with generations, increasingly egoistic, dividing fueled by envy.

I recall days when my elders used to address their friends by their nick names, which brought out their endearing nature and mutual respect they showed for the other. They would have started as bench mates or play mates but with time they evolved to share a deep understanding of each other’s views and character. They did not have the luxury of WhatsApp or Face book or Instagram or any other social media; to remain in touch but their relationship has grown stronger with distance, silence and absence.

I am an ardent devotee of friendship; My friends are a countable some but an affable lot; I was drawn into the magnetic sphere for the same reasons you would have too – love, a feeling of another filial family outside the God-given; Friendship, the most precious reward we discover and gift ourselves with. “Acceptance” is a game changer in friendship. It is to get into a bond with all willingness consciously weighing the outcomes. I wonder, if this principle is well thought  through by users of social media, which offers booming opportunities to find friends. One becomes a friend ( could be a complete stranger) just by the click of the button ‘accept’; Another interesting prospect of finding your followers or becoming a follower (not on merit but by popularity) is cool thing on the internet. The success and usefulness of such relationship, friendship, could be measured against the foundations of  Thirukkural 793

“குணனும் குடிமையும் குற்றமும் குன்றா

இனனும் அறிந்தியாக்க நட்பு.”

 

Thiruvalluvar’s wise words guide us to be aware of one’s traits, roots, faults and merits, and then build friendship. Well, these words when applied seriously can save one from quite a lot of trouble.

I am reluctant to welcome the idea -Everyone is a friend (if not your enemy). Planning a party for your teenager? then expect unfamiliar faces, names and strange behaviour! Music, good for the soul. Food, mostly junk, consumed absent mindedly. Then there is the emerging dress code and colour code, which is meant to highlight the soul of friendship- the like mindedness, commonness amidst chaos! Valluvar remarks, it not with appearances that people are alike but with their culture. How much truth could one find in this Kural 993 !

 “உறுப்பொத்தல் மக்களொப்பு அன்றால் வெறுத்தக்க
பண்பொத்தல் ஒப்பதாம் ஒப்பு.”

A get- to- gather has become a frequent and common feature. You get to catch up with every one and appreciate the sum slice of life experienced.  There is then the recollections of fine and funny moments you had been part of, every one's version of an event, enlivening the memory, while merrily dining with your pals. You wonder, how a mate has brought joy, made your travails less burdensome and may be utter a prayer for his or her well being for  the bitter past is forgotten and dismissed as an act of ignorance.  Such souls are true friends to be cherished life long.

பேதைமை ஒன்றோ பெருங்கிழமை என்றுணர்க
நோதக்க நட்டார் செயின். (Kural 805)

What is the take of Thirukkural on choosing friends. Take guidance from Thiruvalluvar who asks us to beware of friends whose words and actions differ for they can bring havoc into your life”. So watchout for contradictions ; does the person live up to his words? Find the ‘act’!

 “கனவினும் இன்னாது மன்னோ வினைவேறு
சொல்வேறு பட்டார் தொடர்பு.” (Kural 819)

 Myriad metaphors describe friendship – likened to a journey, a garden, a bridge but the perfect classic definition given in Thirukkural is

“முகநக நட்பது நட்பன்று நெஞ்சத்
தகநக நட்பது நட்பு.” (Kural 786)

 Doesn't your heart smile when you contemplate on your friendship that has been your saviour on several counts? Celebrate friendship not only in the reels but also the real life. Cheers to friendship.

(852 words)